I can’t believe it has been six years since Josh and I said I do. When I got married, I was 22 years old, fresh out of college, and preparing to move halfway across the country for Josh’s new job. We had no idea what the future would hold, but we were excited to take on this new adventure together.
Growing up I never thought I would be married so young. My plan was to move to New York City, get a job in marketing, and make something of myself. I figured the right guy would come around eventually, but I’d probably be in my 30’s when he did.
Imagine my surprise when I met the guy of my dreams at 19. Someone who was smart, kind, cute, funny, and incredibly caring. I don’t know how to explain it other than that I felt such peace when I was with him. I truly felt like my heart had found its home.
Getting married when we did turned out to be the best decision. I’m an old soul for my age and Josh is six years older than me. We were both starting our post-college lives at the exact same time (Me with a bachelors and him with a PhD). We got to have a wedding with all our closest friends and family in attendance before we moved away from everything and everyone we knew, and get married in the town where we first met.
I feel incredibly lucky that Josh and I met when we did. That I get so much of my life to enjoy with him. That we didn’t have to worry about rushing big milestones like starting a family due to ticking biological clocks.
The years after college when you’re starting out on your own are incredibly transformational. You’re coming into your own and finding out the type of person you want to be. You’re learning your likes and dislikes, and what things really bring you happiness and fulfillment. You’re like a blank slate that starts coloring in the picture. I feel so grateful that Josh and I were able to go through that time together. We discovered and grew together. And thankfully, stayed compatible during that time of transition.
I’ve been told by many people that Josh and I are relationship goals. On one hand that makes me very happy because I truly feel like I’ve won the husband lottery. Our relationship is strong and solid and I cherish it. I think that’s why statements like that also makes me nervous. I know how hard we’ve had to work to make our relationship this way.
We have an incredibly happy, loving marriage that is rather calm and non-volatile. But we have still had moments in our marriage that have taken me to my knees. Moments where I haven’t been sure of the path forward. Moments where I doubted myself and us.
And that’s because marriage is hard. Even the good ones. Especially the good ones. It’s a ton of work. Every day. It’s consistently and constantly placing another person’s happiness equal or greater to your own. It’s weathering storms you could have never imagined when you stood in front of family and friends and exchanged your vows. It’s remembering that above all you are a team.
I don’t think this side of marriage gets talked about a lot, because the most successful marriages realize that there should be doors and windows in a relationship. The windows into your marriage are for the public but the doors are the private parts of your relationship that are saved for yourselves and your very closest friends and family. Inviting spectators into your marriage is usually a recipe for a disaster.
So the hard parts of marriage are typically weathered in private. They’re not posted to Instagram or shared in emoji-filled Facebook posts like the fun vacations and date nights and mushy love notes are. The hard parts are the quiet moments when a couple has to remove all the noise and distractions and decide whether they’re turning toward each other or away from each other. It’s the couples that turn toward each other that survive.
When I first got married I thought that marriages without struggles were the happiest. Six years into marriage I’ve realized that the struggles you endure in a marriage often end up being your biggest blessings. Thanks to the struggles Josh and I have shared, I know that we will always turn in and fight for each other. And that when all the superficial stuff is removed from the equation, our love is the rock-solid foundation of our relationship.
Six years into marriage, I’ve learned that life is a wild ride. Picking the right partner to share that journey with is one of the most important choices a person can make. Because when you get it right, it’s the adventure of a lifetime.
Question of the Day: What has been the biggest lesson you’ve learned from your marriage?
I love this so much. Marriage takes a lot of work. It IS hard! I think people misunderstand what hard means, though. It’s not just getting through mistakes. It’s learning to work together every day, too.
So true, marriage is work. So glad you grew together!
Marriage is so much work, I totally agree! Love your blog post on this, so authentic!
“I’ve realized that the struggles you endure in a marriage often end up being your biggest blessings.” I love this so so much. Marriage is hard it takes a lot of work! I loved reading this thanks for sharing
This is definitely inspiring. To me is really beautiful to grow with the person that I love. Sharing all those life experiences is just the best part of being in this earth. It takes a lot of courage, love, patience and communication to stay in a relationship for so long, but it’s definitely worth it. Congrats<3
Candace Hampton
What a well-written post about marriage! I got married young too and it has been my best decision ever, and though I feel incredibly lucky to be in such a happy and thriving marriage, there are times that you have to CHOOSE to make it happy and thriving. Congrats on 6 years! We’re hitting 5 this August!
Enjoyed reading the post. I’m single but some tips i can apply to my life. thanks for opening up!
That is so exciting! I am engaged to be married in 2020. I hope my marriage and wedding day is as special as yours was.
Love this post. Marriage requires so much effort and work but I believe it’s required for growth. It is beautiful to be able to grow with one another as well as individuals!
This is such a sweet post. I agree with all your points and personal anecdotes. Marriage is the most wonderful thing if you are a team and respect each other! Happy anniversary!
You know that emoji of the 2 red-heart for eyes? That’s what I send you! Nothing short of beautiful and truthful, Erin!
This year I am celebrating 25! You’re right, though – being in the wedding industry it seems there is SO much info on wedding planning…but what about the marriage, which is years as opposed to hours? I wish you SO many more happy years!! 🙂
This is so perfectly said. You’re right – so many people don’t talk about the actual WORK that goes into building and maintaining a strong and healthy relationship. Congrats on six beautiful years!
I love this post so much. Marriage is a daily work in progress! I think most people don’t realize just how hard it can be at times, but it is so worth it. It’s a lot of compromise and communicating between the two of you.
Congrats on 6 years! Reading this post reminded me of my friends from high school who also got married young but are still together almost 10 years later. A lot of people didn’t think they would make it and I remember they told me that while they’re happy they’ve managed to make it work so far, it didn’t mean that they were now, after all these years, suddenly immune from divorce. They just work hard on their marriage but most people don’t see that. I think all relationships take a lot of work in general. Reading a glimpse into a good marriage like yours is so helpful because while we all know you guys are happy, it’s important to help people understand that it didn’t just “happen,” you guys work at it like 🙂
This is soo cute! Marriage is a ton of work! Thanks for sharing and being so vulnerable! We need more of this!
I love this – especially as someone who is getting married in December. It’s important to remember that it’s work sometimes, but so worth it!
I’ll share this to my married friends. It’s really nice that we learn from other couple’s mistakes and never repeat them. It’s all about give and take.
This was a truly precious post to read. After six years, it seems like you’ve learned more than most have in that time, which is amazing! I’m 8 months into marriage, and we’ve already walked through some tough times – but I know that harder times are to come, and I’m grateful for someone who isn’t just stable and tough, but vulnerable and loving and someone I know I can turn to in all the challenges. I’m looking forward to six years and hopefully feeling the same way you do! We’ve learned to always talk about ALL the things, no matter how big or small, because keeping them bottled up is a recipe for disaster!
OK I’m gonna be honest with you….one of the biggest lessons my husband has taught me is how to ask for forgiveness. Whenever we had a disagreement or argument during our first months of marriage he would also be the first to step up and ask for forgiveness even if it wasn’t even his fault! He showed me so much humility and I still think he’s one of the kindest individuals I’ve ever met!
Getting married so young doesn’t work out for some. However, I firmly believe it’s right for some people and clearly it was perfect for you. <3
I´ve also got married when I was 22 – and that sounds crazy here in Europe, where people currently get married in their late 30s.It´s funny how things turn out – I´d never thought I´d be married before 30 either, that was not my plan! But you never know when you meet the right person! And I often feel lately that the younger you get together – the easier it is to built up something in common and evolve, grow through life together!
Love this! I got married at 21 and I don’t regret it one bit — my husband and I have grown together and we are each other’s best friends!
Awww congrats! I love this post so much. I got married young and divorced. And now I am remarried. I don’t think I am the best person to give marriage advice. lol With that psa, I would say it’s important to know that you are responsible for your own happiness. Happiness is an inside job and it would be unfair and unwise to find happiness only through your significant other.
Congrats on your anniversary. i can’t wait to get married this fall and share the things I’ve learned throughout the years.
Congrats! These are great lessons and I hope you have many more years of a happy marriage!
How beautiful! I had no idea you got married at 22. Your wedding dress is gorgeous 🙂
You guys are a blessing not only to each other but to us as well. It makes my heart happy to see you flourish as individuals as well as a couple! Love you both!!
Congratulations on 6 years! Love these thoughts you shared. My husband and I are going on 5 years in February.
Loved this so much! I think people, especially single ones like me take for granted how much work goes into a marriage. I loved reading all of this, thank you so much for sharing it.
Thank you so much for sharing vulnerably!