Josh and I have been married for a year now. It’s crazy to think we’re no longer newlyweds. Although it’s sad to say goodbye to the newness of marriage; the routines we’ve established, the traditions we’ve made, and the path we’re on keeps getting better and better. We are by no means marriage experts after a year together, and there is definitely not only one way to a happy marriage, but we have grown and learned so much this year. I thought it would be fun to share some of our marriage lessons from our first year for those just starting out, or those many years in who want to knowingly laugh at our blissful ignorance. Our marriage isn’t perfect, but it’s pretty darn amazing.
1. In a marriage, two people are going from being sole decision makers to being two people that make decisions together. That can be hard. You may find yourself crying after unsuccessfully furniture shopping for your new apartment and wondering why you just can’t agree. Cut each other some slack. Talk it out. It gets easier.
2. Dating is full of excitement and fun. Marriage brings along stability and routine. That doesn’t mean marriage has to be boring. Keep dating each other. Plan fun events. Make time to talk about each other’s day. Do something sweet just because. See the adventure in the everyday. And never take each other for granted. Josh and I like to think about it as getting to date the same person for the rest of our lives.
3. Talk about everything. Seriously, good communication is the basis of a healthy relationship. Josh knows pretty much every thought I have in my head. We talk about how we feel, what we think, and what we believe in. You can’t talk too much. Even if we’re not on the same page, we always know what page the other person is on.
4. Fights happen. They’re a healthy part of a relationship. But make sure that you’re fighting to work through an issue. Don’t fight just because. And don’t fight dirty. For instance, Josh may be being inconsiderate, or acting stupid, (and I’ll tell him that) but he is not inconsiderate or stupid. I wouldn’t marry a stupid, inconsiderate guy. We call each other out on our behaviors, but we don’t name call. I think that’s an important distinction.
5. Encourage one other to pursue individual passions and take an interest in those passions. Really listen when your husband describes the history behind the beers he tried while out with the guys at a brewery. Try a Zumba class with your wife sometime so you can see why she loves it so much. You don’t have to love their solo interests, but showing an interest in each others’ hobbies shows the other person how much you respect and appreciate the things that mean something to them.
6. Give each other the benefit of the doubt. When you find yourself upset or hurt by something your spouse did, remember that this person loves you before flying off the handle. They married you and said vows in front of your family and friends to love you forever. They may have screwed up, but likely not on purpose or with malicious intent. Reminding yourself that your husband didn’t forget the grocery list to purposely piss you off can completely change how you handle the situation.
7. Trust. And be trustworthy. A marriage without trust is not a healthy marriage. Don’t play games with someone’s heart.
8. Do play games though. 😀 Be silly together. Make each other laugh. Be friends. Marriage is a lot more sitting around talking and enjoying each other’s company than it is rose petals and love songs.
9. Make each other a priority. Life gets busy and can pull you in a million different directions. When this happens it’s important to prioritize your relationship. We constantly grow and change as time goes on. That’s a good thing. But if you’re not growing together you’re likely growing apart.
10. Love unconditionally. You’ve found your soul mate. You get to wake up every day and go to bed each night with the person you love. Be grateful. You are incredibly blessed.
Questions of the Day: Do you agree with my marriage advice? What’s a lesson you learned in marriage?
Great advice! I think particularly #4. There WILL be time’s a couple does not agree, or get along, and that is OKAY! I think it’s important couples understand this and plan for how to respond when it happens.
Thanks Erica! That’s exactly how I feel too. Josh and I talk about situations that could come up and how we’d handle them. We talk a lot about kids and we aren’t having them for years. It’s so important to have a plan.
Great post Erin 🙂
You’ll have a wonderful year 2 (and many more)
Thanks Joanna! I’m so excited for all the adventures our second year will bring.
LOVE this Erin! As someone 5 years in these are all spot on 🙂
Adding one – don’t LOSE yourself along the way. Change happens and you’re going to grow throughout the years. The key is growing together and embracing each other along the way.
I love that advice! I hear so many people say they want their relationship to stay exactly the way it was when they got married, and I disagree. I want to change and grow and have it keep getting better and better!
yes, absolutely! great advice! happy anniversary by the way! 🙂
Thanks girl! I can’t believe it has been a year already!
Another post I need to bookmark! All such great advice. I especially love #4.
Thanks Stacie! I agree – I think people are afraid to fight but I think it’s worse when you’re upset and you don’t. Then you’re just holding everything inside. I think that’s how resentment and distance start forming in a relationship.
These are awesome, Erin!! I’m taking notes 😉 haha
Aw thanks Hannah! I really enjoyed putting this post together. 🙂
Yep! I agree with all of that! People can make marriage look easy, but it takes work, compromise, and a lot of patience! I’ll be celebrating my 20 year anniversary in September…I don’t know where the time went!
Congratulations on 20 years!! You and your husband have something really special. 🙂
Really beautiful post you put together, I’ll remember these things when my day for marriage comes 🙂 Happy anniversary!
Thanks Leslee! The first year has been an awesome, jam-packed, whirlwind adventure. I thought I might as well share some of the lessons I learned along the way.
great post, erin! these tips are all so important and we are figuring this out as we settle into married life 🙂
Good luck as you start your newlywed adventure! It can be stressful but is also so amazing.
Great advice! Me and my hubby have been married for 13 years! It’s totally worth it!
That makes me so happy to hear! 🙂
Great post! As a soon to be newlywed your advice sounds great. We just recently moved in together and it is great and a lot of fun, but a huge change from living apart.
Yes, it is amazing the challenges newlyweds face. Some you expect, and some you don’t. For instance everyone prepared me to have a hard time moving in with Josh but living together was a breeze. It was making decisions together that we had problems with and that I never expected!
Great advice! I agree with the “keep dating each other” bit. I’m trying to get things to still be fun where you can get dressed up and go out or plan an activity. It’s important!
It is so important! I never want to be in a boring relationship!
Great advice! We have been married 4 years and still have a lot to learn! I would totally agree communication is essential! And don’t criticize/ judge each other, listen and respect. Also value and celebrate anniversaries and milestones, it is so easy to get lazy with them. And discuss potential conflicts ahead of time, like how you will discipline the kids, how money will be spent etc.
I totally agree on all of these! Congrats on four years!
I love browsing through your site, Erin. Happy anniversary and love to you and Josh! Hope you remember me.
Aw thank you Sharon. Of course I remember you!! I hope you’re doing well. If you ever want to visit Omaha we have an extra room! 🙂